so y'all know my love for photo shoots.
so i took 3 cute girls on one this past weekend.
venues included corn maze, a shack, and rail road tracks.












tell me what you think!

the five stages.

1-Denial-"this can't be happening to me", No crying. Not moving forward with your life. staying the same. Or not even acknowledging the loss. past it....

2-Anger-"why me?", feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with them or blaming the other person. past that.....

3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with them or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back. past that....

4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. currently in this stage....

5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn't leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of the person.

Tonight I plan to pray for acceptance. feel like some days I am there, but other days I'm still depressed. I know im stronger than that tho. So tonight as I do my bible study and pray I will be praying for acceptance.

lately i have been let down left and right.
i feel like there is no stability in my life.
i guess the statement "God is the only one who won't let you down" really is true.

i plan on working on myself this next season. I hope it works out.

you know what?

i'm stronger than this.
i was made for more.
faith over fear.

a little taste of what is on my mind.

My summer is just about gone. I have spent the last three months trying to get over a relationship, among other things. To be honest I don't know how to "get over" someone. Question. How do you fall out of love with someone? Better question, why would you want to? If there was a self help book, I would have purchased it. But there is nothing like that. What it really takes is time, and as sucky as that is to hear, it’s the truth. It takes lots of time, personal healing and prayer. It also helps to gather your closest girl friends and vent with ice cream. You see at the beginning of my summer after two and a half years I ended my relationship with my boyfriend. We were in love; we had a good solid relationship. So what went wrong? Well I ask myself that too some days. At the end of the day I felt God telling me we weren't the ones for each other, and as hard as it was (it took me about two weeks to finally end it all) I felt, well I felt free. But you see the end is such a scary place to be.

But little did I know I would end up falling apart. It has been 3 months of sifting through the memories, the conversations, the sadness, the failure and misunderstanding. It has been 3 months of pain and healing. It has been very hard. I do believe I am getting stronger. I think my heart is healing and it will be even bigger than before. You see I was scared. I was scared to death of ever loving again. Of opening up to someone of being rejected of another failing relationship. I have never been a casual dater. I have not been someone to date for "fun" I date for marriage. I want to find my husband in Gods time. If I have to wait 1, 5, or 10 more years I will, but I know when God does give him to me it will be perfect. I can't wait for that. But should I be fearful? No. Should I guard my heart better? Yes. But fearful, No. Because Love is risky for God too. Every day he is rejected by someone, everyday his heart aches for those who are unsaved. He takes a chance with everyone. If God can continue to risk, then maybe we can too. Because love is risky for God too.

"If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and found yourself waiting for their response, exposed and vulnerable, left hanging in the balance, you know how God feels." Rob Bell

If I decided it isn't worth it, that the pain is too much, too much to handle. That I put up a wall around my heart. A wall that keeps everyone at a distance, including God, essentially. I would be setting myself up for failure. Because a decision to not take a chance again, is a decision to not love again. The most important lessons we learn occur in the midst of our pain. It can increase our ability to love deeper and deeper.

"Love is giving away of power. When we love, we give the other person the power in the relationship. They can do what they choose. They can do what they like with our love. They can reject it, they can accept it, and they can step toward us in gratitude and appreciation." Rob Bell

I am not in control. I am giving them the control. Surrendering the desire to control them. It means trusting them. It means trusting God. For me that is really hard. I'm a take action kind of girl. I like to be in control. Something I have been working on is submission. I think I'm a control freak because I like to know what’s going to happen. Because our greatest wounds rarely come from strangers. Because the more we open ourselves up, the more vulnerable we are. We expose ourselves, we let them in. But the greater the risk, the more it hurts. To establish a healthy long-term relationship the ingredients are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. However, love isn't real until it comes from the source, God. We all long for that someone. That someone who will accept us and be there for us, but if we would just be still, love would find us. Love always finds us. That is really the true meaning of true love. Romantic relationships don’t complete you they reveal you. Like a mirror for your soul, your boyfriend or girlfriend will reflect all the good and bad traits you already posses.

Also, for us to love completely, we must learn to love the Lord first and others second. That order is critically important.

I let out a huge sigh after writing all this.

You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet On The Ground, I’ll Be The Wings That Keep Your Heart In The Clouds

And honestly, I have been begging for answers. That you and only you can give to me. A voice crying loud. I’ve been crying for days now And as I start to run, I stop to breathe...

Oh, the irony of life.
summer is slowly coming to an end.
It went by really fast.

But Oh, hoe i love fall.
I can't wait for the season change.