mixed emotions

I wrestle with God thinking there must be an easier way. I realize there isn't another way. God is unreasonable. I mean come on, Jesus dying is unreasonable.

I don't know why i try to understand. Or try to rationalize everything or seek every answer. They will never ALL come.

I just need to sacrifice my will daily, in order to find God's will.

"Whoever wants to save his life will loose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."
(Matthew 16:25)